Saturday, February 9, 2013

Will a Lodge Secretary Go to Heaven

This is an often-repeated poem, most frequently by Grand Secretaries, but it contains a message for all as we enter a New Year.
If a secretary writes a letter, it is too long.
If he sends a postcard, it's too short.
If he doesn't send a notice, he is lazy.
If he attends a committee meeting, he is butting in.
If he stays away, he is a shirker.
If he duns the members for dues, he is insulting.
If he fails to collect dues, he is slipping.
If he asks for advice, he is incompetent.
If he does not, he is bullheaded.
If he writes his reports complete, they are too long.
If he condenses them, they are incomplete.
If he talks on a subject, he is trying to run things.
If he remains quiet, he has lost interest in meetings.
If he goes on an errand and someone comes to the office,
he is taking time off from work and never does his job.
If the phone rings and he doesn't pick it up, he is never there.
If he picks it up on the first ring,
he has nothing to do but listen for the phone to ring.
If it rings a few times, he is trying to look important.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if the others won't do it, the Secretary must!

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